You can tell it’s nearly time for the annual Xmas climate panto extravaganza, this year to be held in Qatar from 26 November to 7 December.
Rajendra Pachauri, chairman of the UN’s Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change (IPCC), has been warning the International Conference on Food Security in Dry Lands at Qatar University of the dire consequences of alleged man-made global warming about to be unleashed on an unsuspecting world.
The opening address of all 17 global warming Conferences of the Parties (COPs) to date, including Copenhagen, where some delegates were – amusingly – hospitalised with hypothermia, has been delivered by the IPCC on account of its being a kind of “Vatican” of global warming theology.
However, to Mr Pachauri’s bafflement and consternation, the IPCC has not even been invited to attend this year’s proceedings in any way, shape or form.
Why on earth should such a momentous snub be delivered to such a revered institution that shared the 2007 Nobel Peace Prize with Al Gore?
Could it be because prophecy after prophecy of doom has passed unfulfilled?
Could it be that a recent study of US temperature measuring sites found that half the alleged warming trend was due to the “urban heat island” effect caused by urban development around thermometers and if this result is extrapolated to the rest of the globe where compliance with temperature measuring standards is likely to be worse, the alleged total warming since 1880 of 0.8C may be only 0.4C?
Could it be that much of its science has been heavily influenced by the likes of Greenpeace and WWF e.g. Himalayan glaciers to disappear by 2035?
Could it be that the IPCC’s organisation, science and chairman were lambasted by the Inter Academy Council inquiry into its verification procedures?
Could it be that dire economic straits have finally caused politicians to grow the famous “Tom and Jerry” donkey’s head – “Hee-haw” – that grew on the dog when he had been duped by Tom the Cat, resulting in similar fury?
Ever been had, boys (Tavish, Alastair, Salmond)?
Dr Pachauri, pouting unrepentantly, issued a new, souped-up jeremiad and accompanying fatwa to the FDSL conference:
“Agricultural production, including access to food, in many African countries and regions is projected to be severely compromised by climate variability and change.”
Ya don’t say, Raj – “seven years of plenty followed by seven years of famine” – we seem to have heard that before somewhere, long before we heard of global warming!
“The area suitable for agriculture, the length of growing seasons and yield potential, particularly along the margins of semi-arid and arid areas, are expected to decrease.”
Really, recent studies have shown the Sahel to be greening over, pushing the Sahara northwards?
“This would further adversely affect food security and exacerbate malnutrition in the continent (Africa). In some countries, yields from rain-fed agriculture could be reduced by up to 50% by 2020.”
Gosh, then I take it the seven years of plenty have passed and the next seven are to be famine?
Alas recent studies have shown no change in drought over the last 60 years and a recent report from Pachauri’s own IPCC has reported the absence of evidence that increasing disaster losses have been caused by climate change, whether of human and/or natural origin.
Little wonder Pachauri and the IPCC were lambasted by the IAC and little wonder they have been excluded from the tens of thousands of delegates and activists who will fly to Qatar, live in luxury hotels and attend the climate talks at taxpayers’ expense.
In my book, that’s one round of caviar and a glass of champagne each the Qataris have earned delegates before the talks even start and if I may invoke just one more biblical metaphor, the end may well be nigh for the multitudes of “climateering” bon-vivants.
“At the feast of Belshazzer and ten thousand of his lords
As they drank from golden vessels as the book of truth records
In the night as they reveled, in the royal palace hall
They were seeking consternation t’was the hand upon the wall.”