Letters / Sign the petition
The legend of Shetland “trows” – “little people” – who lived underground and only ventured forth in the dark to steal from (Viking) humans – is thought by some to have grown from the remnant Pictish population who, having been chased from their lands by Vikings, lived in caves where they played strange music which resonated from the earth below and who had no option for survival but to steal, at night, from their Viking conquerors.
The legend is alive and well today; indeed, those daring to venture near “Da Banks” in “da mirkenin o’ da Simmer Dim” might well hear strange music and ghostly voices, singing “Flower of Scotland,” perhaps – or more probably, quarreling – beneath their feet.
It will, of course, be the latter-day descendants of those timorous creatures of legend, otherwise known as “Da YES Shetlan’ SNP Branch,” holding a clandestine meeting to decide whether they dare speak or even show their faces to furious local Vikings whose housing support grant money was stolen by their villainous trow god-leader “Peester-Salmondie”.
Their conclusion, as always, will be: “So fearful is Peester-Salmondie that, unlike their bold companion Jean Urquhart-Mittens, who urges all to sign the petition, we dare not cross him and echo her ringing call.”
All true Viking warriors and “skjaldmeyjar” (shield maidens) – thousands of whom spend tens of thousands of hours a year preparing to “roll the glory” of their ancestors “down the ages” – will not miss the chance to spend ONE MINUTE each to “AXE FUR WHIT WE WANT” by signing the Shetland Times petition, DEMANDING the return of their £40M from the devious, unspeakable, sticky-fingered, Peester-Salmondie.
John Tulloch
Lyndon
Arrochar
(where King Haakon’s army hauled their galleys overland into Loch Lomond in the Norwegian province of Argyll in 1263 shortly before the Battle of Largs).
Favourite Poem: “Eence Apon a Time” by Vagaland.
Favourite Tune: “Caa’ the trows frae the knowes (ta sign “Da Petition”).”
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