I’ve noticed that this organ and The Shetland Times seem to be devoting a lot of space to certain needy people who appear to be requiring permanent and repeated cast-iron guarantees that the most bizarre and unlikely outcomes are really, really not going to happen ever, ever, even when reassurances are clearly impossible to the level requested, assuming anyone had the time to address them.
I’m thinking about recent requests for affirmation that Covid-19 vaccinations really, truly, don’t contain concealed microchips, and that wind turbines definitely don’t have bits of plastic flying off them (hint – they probably do because they’re very big and made largely of plastic, so don’t picnic underneath them).
I have to say, these are uncertain times, and so I’d just like to get Shetland News’ definite confirmation each time I sail south that the NorthLink ferry I’m on isn’t going to sink due to impact with a huge pod of mutant mega-narwhals widely rumoured on social media to be all over the North Sea, and trust me, I will be asking.
Plus, I’ve noticed Tesco use sinister beeping scanners all over the store – can anyone give me a 100 per cent guarantee that they aren’t really recording my brainwaves in order to create evil android clones of myself that use a copy of my credit card to buy much more cheese than I normally would? I doubt that you can.
Incidentally, I’ve just finished watching NHS Shetland’s excellent CEO Michael Dickson’s monthly broadcast about the Covid situation. Apparently, vaccine take-up in the 60-65 age group shows a spooky drop-off when compared to preceding and succeeding age groups.
He professes to be at a loss as to why it should be. If I were a conspiracy theorist, I might have an idea!